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Laughing for the sake of it.

You should smile, laugh, enjoy the sensations that your body is giving you in this immediate moment. Seek this. Look for places to feel silly, and just expel yourself into the world. Everything is translation and mastering languages. Everything is a language.

Over the past couple months, I’ve been struggling a lot with who I am, where I am, what I’m supposed to, or even want to do. I’ve been struggling with basic things, that I once thought to have been good at. I’ve been lost. At the twitch of a muscle, or a single change, my mood could switch. I was at the mercy of what seemed to be a very real, and important everything, and I could see it all so clearly. Everything made sense, but it was all wrong, and I could do nothing. I tried to pinpoint, various aspects that I could improve on, change, even avoid. None of this was working. I couldn’t even write, because it was too substantial. I’m trying as I write to avoid speaking directly or opening with that background context, because I have dozens of entries, where I try to write, but only a few paragraphs are written, all about the same thing, but a little different depending on what struck me to write in the moment.

All I can say now, is that while I will keep trying to engage in activities that I’m interested in, and improving the various things that I believe I can improve, it’s all pointless if you can’t get anywhere. Being reified by it all, leaves you trapped. Simply feeling all the wonderful little sensations, or laughing because why not, and just feeling great, will open the world. I haven’t achieved everything yet with this method, but I sure do feel like I could, whereas before it felt like no matter what I did, it would fail. Even being able to do the little things without much friction just makes existing so much, no, infinitely better. I can’t give instructions on this. I have the instinct to show my work, prove to you everything, and make it make sense. I don’t have to though. I’m writing this because I want to keep writing, and putting things out. As I mentioned above, everything is language. Writing is such a useful tool. I think it’s something fairly straightforward for translating and then documenting, despite it still being hard to translate sometimes, it’s stable. I mean stable like how writing does have a lot of ambiguity, but it’s also a pretty solid institution.

I’m trying not to go too analytical, because that’s what has been stopping me; bringing in all the context to make it make sense. I think I’ve said what I wanted to, and perhaps this will be a return to more frequent posts.

The main thing I wanted to say is just to feel the physical world, and laugh because I think it makes things easier to do. If you take yourself out of the moment, and abstract yourself, you begin to lose yourself.